These Corny Things My Mom Used to Say Are Actually Pretty Wise

A few of her "oldies but goodies" that can help alleviate the stress and anxiety of holiday gatherings.

Photo by Stephanie McCabe on Unsplash.

Thanksgiving is now tinged with some sadness for me since my mom passed away in 2018. This was her favorite of holiday celebrations and it’s hard to believe this year will be the seventh Thanksgiving Thursday that she’s not been here to enjoy with her friends and family.

My mom was very much like the woman from the Norman Rockwell painting below called Freedom from Want. I see her like this: hoisting that big roasted turkey, nestled on her grandmother’s platter, on to the center of the table surrounded by people.

But- my mom would never come to the table with her apron still on. No way. She would have thrown it to the side and applied a quick dash of lipstick before making this grand entrance.

Though I do feel sadness on Thanksgiving, I also keep my mom’s spirit and voice sitting beside me at the table by remembering a few of her favorite nuggets of wisdom she used to dole out on a regular basis.

She always had a quick comeback to offer when I shared that I was anxious or worried about certain people or situations.

These are often referred to as “chestnuts” of wisdom, which refers to statements or even jokes that have been around for a long time and have lost their edge of meaning.

Her pre-set responses used to get nothing but the eye roll from me. But remembering them now, I think there’s a pretty powerful message in these three short statements below.

As you prepare for the holiday events of the next month, do you spend a lot of time worrying how you’ll stay calm around certain people who set your teeth on edge? Are you stressing now over how you’ll get your cranberry gelatin mold to look exactly the way Aunt Betty’s used to turn out?

Let’s be honest- most of us both love and loathe the holidays, especially when it comes to a big gathering for a giant meal of celebration.

If you need a few calming affirmations and mindset mantras to keep it together during the next month, here’s a small serving of my mom Joanne’s favorite one-liners that just might be a game-changer for your holiday survival.

Happy Thanksgiving, Mom!

Consider The Source

This has truly become my go-to piece of advice for myself and others in so many situations. My mom used to say this to me a lot when I was young and one of my older brothers (nicknamed “The Instigator” by my parents) used to delight in teasing me until I cried. It was her way of reminding me that my brother’s antics were not coming from a good place and thus not worth me spending emotions on with a response.

When I think about it now, I realize she was pointing out that almost all people are a mix of good and negative qualities, including her son. She wasn’t asking me to reject my brother overall as a completely worthless human being, but to take a few seconds and think about his motivations for what he said and the place in him that they came from.

(If you hadn’t guessed already, this brother is the middle child. That explains so much, doesn’t it?)

With this three-word phrase, you ask yourself, “Is what this person said worth the emotional expense it costs me to get upset? Do I really want to fight with them, or can I just ignore the instigator in them who’s maybe seeking attention?”

Do you have siblings, cousins, or in-laws that you’ve come to dread seeing at family gatherings because they always manage to push your angry button within minutes of being in their presence? Think of this statement and take a five-second breath count to consider whether the part of these people that is negative is worth your attention and the related emotions it will cost your well-being.

It can be really hard to let certain statements go without a response, but I’ve found that it makes me feel better long-term to have saved my emotions for something more valuable than the comments from an instigator.

A Man on a Galloping Horse..

The full phrase is, “A man on a galloping horse wouldn’t notice,” and there are variations that also add a “blind man” as the horse rider. However the phrase is used, it’s meant to help us shut down being a perfectionist over small details.

After many years of using this phrase to alleviate either her own or someone else’s anxiety over small imperfections, my mom used just the shortened the phrase. I’ve found it’s not uncommon for others of my mother’s (or her mother’s) generation to have used the abbreviated version of this golden oldie.

She would say this to point out that people are caught up in their own busy worlds and moving through events quickly, so they aren’t as likely as we think they are to notice small imperfections. Why ruin the vibe of joyous day by worrying about a garnish detail on an appetizer plate or one slightly wilted flower in a big, beautiful centerpiece when no one else is going to notice it?

However, for that one particular relative who always makes a big deal out of the smallest of flaws, you can always pull out the best phrase of all and say to yourself, “Consider the source.”

This Too Shall Pass

I used to think this came from The Bible, because my mother was a devout Christain and found a great deal of solace in her faith. She used this phrase a lot to console others, and I think herself as well.

However, a quick search online reveals it’s a centuries-old saying that eventually was popularized in a mid-19th century play. It reminds us that all things, both good and bad, are temporary.

This is so powerful when it comes to living our lives on a baseline of emotional well-being. When you look at life in a very big picture, you realize most of life isn’t lived in the extreme highs and lows. They are the minority of our living experience compared to the balanced middle-ground that makes up most of our days.

When you encounter unexpected snafus with the sweet potatoes or someone shows up an hour late for dinner, it’s a negative feeling in the moment but will it really matter an hour from now?

The same with the good feelings- the joy, the love, the laughter that happens at a family gathering. Best to savor it as much as possible in the moment because all too soon the party will end.

As we grow older, we’re also reminded of those no longer at the party, or those who may not be there next year. Better to let the short-term negativity pass through and out than let it hang around to ruin the chance to experience hours of joy.

Do you have any wise chestnuts of advice you use as your internal mantra to help you love rather than loathe holiday gatherings? What did your parents or grandparents say that’s stuck with you many decades later? Feel free to share below in the comments for others to enjoy!