The Coolest People I Know: Gwyn Wold, aka "The Connector"

A self-described over achiever now embraces the shift from achieving all A's to scoring a perfect B in balance.

Catching up on Zoom with my 50-year friend Gwyn, left. On display behind her are the paintings created by her husband. who has discovered his passion for art since retiring.

To me, my friend Gwyn is the same person I used to pass notes with during study hall in the mid-1970s. That is what’s special about being friends for so long- though we’ve changed a lot, deep in our core we’re still connected souls.

In the 45 years since then, she left our Midwestern hometown and first landed at The University of California at Berkeley, where she earned a degree in biochemistry. Then she crossed the country to earn a master’s degree in public health from the University of South Carolina. Over the span of her career, she led teams through the research and development of pharmaceuticals for oncology, cardiovascular and neurologic diseases. Before retiring two years ago, she was a senior executive at a biotech start-up company managing the company’s team leaders and leading business development activities with external partners.

Gwyn and her husband Chris now split their time living in Montana and British Columbia, Canada. She describes herself as a “mother (of three), wife, friend and life-long adventurer.”

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Sally: It’s interesting to me now, looking back at life from being in our 60s, to talk about our motivations when we were in school and how we approached our futures. Even though we were always in the same crowd, doing a lot of the same things, I’ve only recently recognized how much more focused you were on achieving than I was- never settling for a B when you knew you could get an A. I was always ok with the B, ha! It was more important to me to have time to hang out and work on fitting in vs. standing out.

Gwyn: Yeah, I was and wanted to be an overachiever. I was always striving for straight A’s, taking tough classes, joining clubs and teams to build out my academic resume. I didn’t want to give much of my time for just kicking around and having fun.

This same approach transferred into my early working life. I was a young, single female, living alone, working in a highly competitive company where most of my peers and all of my mentors were male. I felt I had a great deal to prove and had to work harder and longer to be noticed. I also had high ambitions and wanted to climb the corporate ladder to be a leader like my mentors. I was still striving for that A and being recognized by the corporate versions of the academic honor roll.

Sally: Your laser-focus and ability to see what you want, lay out goals and then go after them starting at such a young age is really amazing. I recognize it now, I see what you were doing back then, but that kind of ambition just didn’t occur to me back then. It took me longer to figure out what I wanted and then make it a priority to follow my own path rather than choosing what’s next motivated primarily by seeking validation from others.

Gwyn: I had all that-focus, determination and, honestly, made some lucky choices. I was able to reach senior leadership positions and do some meaningful work with incredible people. I feel like I did get those A’s in my career, and I was able to retire a couple of years ago after 18 years of schooling and nearly 40 years of work.

Now I’ve had time to reflect and listen to innumerable podcasts about how to make the most of this time in my life, e.g., the third chapter. One question that is sometimes asked in interviews if, “What advice would you give your 20- or 30-year-old self”.

As I think about this question, I wonder what would my life have been like if I didn’t study so hard and strive for all A’s? What if I didn’t try to respond to all of my emails before I left work, or felt the need to work on a Saturday to get a jump start on the next project?

What if I took that time away in all those years of school and work just to have some fun, relax, have unscheduled time, learn new hobbies, have coffee with someone? What if I’d been satisfied with more B’s? Would that approach have gotten me to the same place I am today?

I think I’d tell my 20- or 30-year-old self, that it likely would have. Things may not have looked exactly the same, but I expect I still would have reached my goals and might have had a bit more fun along the way.

So now, in what I see as my third chapter, the grade I’m striving for is the B that allows for more balance.

Click below to hear Gwyn describe her plan for no plans and an exhale from a life of achieving:

Sally: It can be a hard transition for someone with a lifetime of over-achiever performance to find satisfaction post-career. There aren’t any more rungs on the ladder to climb, no more awards and bonuses to achieve! You decided to retire not long after turning 60, which leaves a lot of years left to live your third chapter and maybe several more. Has it been hard to let go and just go for a B now?

Gwyn: I learned about myself mid-career, that I'm innately a planner. I was helping plan taking pharma products through the development cycle, helping my staff in their development plans- basically just planning, planning, planning. So as my husband and I started talking years ago, looking forward to a time when we wouldn't work, I worked on the planning of that, too. We knew what was important to us as far as having the outdoor adventure life nearby and being connected with our family. And we were going to choose a place that allowed us to do all of the things we wanted to do.

We crafted that out, probably starting 15 years ago. When I finally pushed myself that I was ready to take the leap-my husband was ready to leap before I was- my plan was to take a year and not have any plans! So I didn't plan- but I planned for that, too!

My only plan, though, was to focus on me and not to have a schedule. Just get up every day and decide then, "What do I want to do today?" Just kind of letting myself exhale from what I had been doing for so long.

Sally: And did that feel good- I mean, for a whole year?

Gwyn: Yeah, it felt good, it felt great! Because even though I didn't "plan" stuff, I was doing stuff. I was working out, I was trying art- I tried a bunch of different things. I tried some new sports, like mountain biking at one point. What I gave myself the space to do is to say, "I don't have to be good at something. What am I enjoying doing?"

Sally: You hit on another of my favorite affirmations I say to myself, "Why not?"

Gwyn: Right, it was a year of the "why not?"

Left: Keeping our decades-long connection strong during a meetup of old friends, November 2022. Right: Gwyn in her busy career days still found time to connect at a class reunion, 2000.

Sally: Of every friend I have, not just those we grew up with but truly everyone I know, you are the greatest connector. You’re “that person”- everyone probably knows one- who keeps up with so many people and puts staying in touch with people as a big priority for your life. People seem to reach out to you as well, staying connected with you. Did you make a conscious effort to be "the connector" with people in your life when you were young? Or did this happen as a byproduct of your career?

Gwyn: It’s an interesting question. I have friends who remind every day that I am a natural connector. I was the one who moved furthest away for college because I was adventurous and wanted to experience something totally different than the small town where we grew up. But I also didn’t want to just cut off from everyone. We didn’t have Facebook to stay connected, so I spent hours and hours writing letters to my friends. I’ve always wanted to maintain friendships with people and continue to be curious about people whom I’ve lost touch with.

My kids tease me because I make a big deal of sending out Christmas cards. They ask, “Who ARE all these people?” and I respond that they are friends, people who I don’t want to lose touch with. Another aspect of connecting, which has become part of my psyche, is bringing other people together and creating a connection for them. I’m observing this behavior now in the context of my coaching. I get really excited when I identify a mentor and mentee who would be great for each other given their backgrounds. In the last year, I think I’ve connected 10 people which has been really meaningful for the mentees to have access and input from a more experienced colleague. And I’m fortunate to have long-time friends who support this habit of mine.

Sally: Support- and rely on- your habit! You always seem to know what’s happening in the lives of people I’m curious about.

But it takes effort to stay connected with people, through moves and life’s distractions. Some people drift apart because they “keep score,” thinking it’s the other person’s turn to reach out. But sometimes we choose to disconnect. Do you find that can be the best choice for yourself at times, even as a connector?

Gwyn: There are some layers to the question about when and why to disconnect. Earlier in my life, my initial reaction might have been more transactional, as you describe, like thinking, "it’s your turn." With time and more life experience, I've learned to consider other reasons why someone might not respond. Often, it’s not because they don’t value my friendship. Especially today, we are inundated with messages across many mediums—text, email, direct messaging—it comes at you from all directions! They may not have responded because their car battery died, they had a big school project, or they were just overwhelmed by the holiday rush. These are just reasons from this past weekend! So, I do my best to give people grace and not rush to judgment.

However, there are times when I feel it’s appropriate to disconnect. I believe it’s important to be surrounded by friends who “fill your cup”—those who help me be my best self and for whom I can do the same. Also, people who share my values of authenticity and connection. I have let go of some friendships where I didn’t feel that deeper level of reciprocation. Sometimes it’s easier than others, but with the time I have and all the things I want to do, I feel the need to prioritize those aspects of my life. Friendships that are not fulfilling and don’t fill my cup are lower on my priority list. While I find joy in staying connected, re-connecting, and being a connector, I want to be intentional about where I spend my emotional energy and time.

Sally: After a year of “Why not?”, you got curious about how to take your fabulous connector self and put it into an effort for giving back, which is with the program you’re going through at Northwestern University (Organizational and Leadership Career Coaching). This seems to be such a natural fit for you to make connections and over time potentially forge connections between others to help support their career growth. But how are you maintaining that B in your life balance now as you delve into another project?

Gwyn: Well, I’m focused on being really intentional now in where I put my time. When people retire, they sometimes dream of having the house at the beach or playing golf every day, you know, we all have ways we want to spend our days. Some people want to stay super busy with all the available time they have.

But a big part of my focus in life now is to be intentional. Like-- how am I spending my time and from my time, what do I get the most out of? Some people find they get the most from giving back through their church community, or with other activities they love to do. Where I'm thinking about being intentional- with this coaching program I'm in- I think of it as my way of giving back but I get so much out of it. It's me giving back, which is something that's important to me, but I'm being intentional about how I choose to give back. I find in my life I get so much more from giving when it also helps fill me up. And there’s the balance.

Sally: And you also have to be intentional about boundaries now, like saying, “Whoa, I love this, but I'm not going to let this become all I am. I'm still going to find balance with other things. I don't want to set the scales off either way because at this time of my life, the magic is in the balance of all of these things.”

Gwyn: That's it, finding the balance of the giving and getting back. You could compare it to non-profits that you give to, but then they want more and more so the balance might get off. Or friendships- it's not satisfying to be the person who always gives so much more than they get from those relationships.

Sally: One thing I’d love if I were in your coaching program is getting a chance to form intergenerational relationships. I think this is really important for our positive mindset in these mid-and later-life decades. We can learn so much from people decades younger than us as well as those older than us.

Gwyn: Most of my classmates in the program are at a pivot point in their careers. Most are younger, let's say mid-to-late 20s to mid-thirties. The majority are that age, and it's been super interesting to me. For the four or five of us that are "older"- 50s or me, the oldest at over 60- the first day of the online course we were like, "Hey, look at us! Welcome back to school. Good for us!" And the younger ones were like, “REALLY good on you."

But the people I've bonded with, in the group, are the 20- and 30-year-olds. And it's super interesting to me, to think about that. The why.

Sally: There are a lot of different aspects of building connection with another person that go beyond age. Sometimes they’re just cool people, as I like to describe people I find connection with.

Gwyn: Through this program, we have a lot of breakouts, one to one conversations. And the first time I had a one-on-one with a young woman from my class we got deep really quickly. She said to me, because I was trying to connect her with someone else on a project - that's how I think now, because I recognize I AM the connector- and she said, "I understand why I connected with you."

Sally: And how old is she?

Gwyn: She's about 28.

Sally: That's amazing. I like to think we can all have an “ageless” mindset. Or perhaps some younger people are just what we call “an old soul.”

Gwyn: Or you're a young soul! Or there's some level of connection between the old and young that is beyond age. And that’s what I’m saying about “filling my cup.” This is what brings me such joy now.

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